Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Loofah Butt Cream and 5 Reasons My Wife Makes Me Sign A Behavior Contract Before Shopping



  • Went to the mall and as usual a group of morons stopped right at the top of the escalator to decide where they were going to go next. SO.... I spout ........ Hey GREAT IDEA!!!! BRILLIANT!!! If I was going to pick one place in the whole damn mall to stop and chat it would be right HERE! at the top of a FUCKING MOVING STAIRCASE!!!!

  • Soon after that I'll yowl MAKE A HOLE!!! at large dumb groups meandering around the mall blocking the aisle

  • After being told by a OH SO politicly correct security guard not to "LEAN on the ice rink wall" I thanked him for saving the world from another tragic ice rink wall leaning incident and then asked him to go copulate with one of his own orifices.

    While she's shopping for clothes a clerk will ask If they can help me and I always respond " You got a bar in here"??
    (When they say no I ask for chloroform)

  • At Bath & Body Works I always loudly ask if they have any "Apricot Loofah Butt Cream".

3 Comments:

Anonymous Bob said...

Awesome!!! You Rock!!

10:21 PM  
Anonymous Raven said...

nice.

11:46 PM  
Blogger Erasmus said...

Hey. Don't laugh. Ice skating rink wall injuries are one of the most serious (and under-reported) injuries that occur.

I applaud the Mall Security Guard for his attention to what's important. He could have been off wasting time rousting teen gangs and catching shoplifters.

5:12 PM  

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